Survival Tips In the Office

#1
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting.
On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp.
They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says :
" Normally, one is granted three wishes, but as you are three, I will allow one wish each. "
So the eager senior manager shouted : " I want the first wish.
I want to be in the Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries."
Pfufffff …. and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted :
" I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "
Pfufffff …. And he was also gone.
The boss calmly said : " I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.30 pm. "
MORAL OF THE STORY : ALWAYS LET THE BOSS SPEAK FIRST

#2
Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand,
" Listen," said the CEO, " this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"
" Certainly," said the young executive.
He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
" Excellent, excellent! " said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine.
" I just need one copy. "
LESSON # 2 : NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING

#3
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA When the American turned to the Japanese and asked
" What kind of -ese are you ? "
The Japanese, confused, replied : " Sorry, but I don't understand what you mean. "
The American repeated : " What kind of -ese are you ? "
Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.
The American, now irritated, then yelled : " What kind of -ese are you
... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese !, etc......??? "
The Japanese then replied : " Oh, I am a Japanese. "
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind of 'key' was he.
The American, frustrated, yelled : " What do you mean what kind of -kee' am I ?! "
The Japanese said, " Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee ? "
LESSON No 3 : NEVER INSULT ANYONE

#4
There were these 4 guys --- a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who together found this small genie bottle.
When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared.
Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said :
"Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true. "
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted : " Wine ! "
The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine.
The Frenchman was very happy, swimming and drinking from the pool.


Next is the Russian's turn.
He did the same and shouted : " Vodka ! " and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.


The German was next and he jumped and shouted : " Beer ! "
He was likewise very contented with his beer-filled pool.


The last is the American.
He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel.
He slipped towards the pool and shouted, " Shit !!!!!!!.........."


LESSON # 4 : ALWAYS THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING,
BECAUSE SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN !

#5

The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.
Each organ took a turn to speak up.
Brain... I should be in charge because I run




all body functions..
Blood.. I should be in charge because I

circulate oxygen for the brain.
Stomach... I should be in charge because I

process food for the brain..
Legs..... I should be in charge because I take

the brain where it wants to go.
Eyes......I should be in charge because I let the

brain see where it's going.
Asshole.....I should be in charge because I get

rid of your waste.


All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad. To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.


Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried

out for relief
Day 2 - Stomach got bloated and began to ache

terribly
Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable
Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became

blurred
Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the

body
Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the

asshole be in charge.


MORAL OF THE STORY: NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS AN ASSHOLE THAT IS TRULY IN CHARGE

The 5 language of Love

Words of Affirmation
This is when you say how nice your spouse looks, or how great the dinner tasted. These words will also build your mate's self image and confidence

Quality Time
Some spouses believe that being together, doing things together and focusing in on one another is the best way to show love. If this is your partner's love language, turn off the TV now and then and give one another some undivided attention.

Gifts
It is universal in human cultures to give gifts. They don't have to be expensive to send a powerful message of love. Spouses who forget a birthday or anniversary or who never give gifts to someone who truly enjoys gift giving will find themselves with a spouse who feels neglected and unloved

Acts of Service
Discovering how you can best do something for your spouse will require time and creativity. These acts of service like vacuuming, hanging a bird feeder, planting a garden, etc., need to be done with joy in order to be perceived as a gift of love.

Physical Touch
Sometimes just stroking your spouse's back, holding hands, or a peck on the cheek will fulfill this need.

Long Term Goals??

Today i was in a class.listenin to alot of history..and had a thought of what are the people nowadays..y are most people nowadays only will have short term goals without any long term goals?is it really wat feelings u go thru process to the success more important than the feelings that u will have when ur are successful to get wat u wan in the end?jus like relationship...ppl nowadays only k for how they would feel now..wouldnt want to work hard or go thru hard times and jus would wan to enjoy without limitations.and all they do when they screw up things will be only denial...or they would even lie jus to cover up tat the things they know is wrong but just becos of fun sake they do it?y ppl had bcome like tat?is it the world is tat realistic where there is only expectation that wat u shd get from others or wait things to drop in the sky instead of working hard to get wat u wan ?and is it so important tat wat u feel now only matters without thinking of others?is it really tat ppl nowadays are not willing to sacrifice things just for future?wat are the aim of their life?jus live like tat daily with fun without even need to tink or plan wat are the life that they wanted to be in when they are old?i really dunno.....i just now ppl would jus not sacrifice or bear with hard times...not even for a short period in order to work out the future life that they wanted..they would tink tat wat they wanted will fall from sky?.they do not use their brain to tink at all...wat they noe is just fun fun fun...wat is life?m i the only weirdo who tinks like tat?

Lies n Reason of life

Ask yourself this…

In the time that you are on this Earth,

What are you living for?

Who are you living for?



Are you but living for a dream,

Thrown away into those other things?

Can you find out who you really are,

In this mess that is now your life?



What is the reason of your pain?

Why does it still hurt?

Perchance you are finding a way,

To reopen the wounds.

Just for a glance.



Deep in the darkness,

And high in the light,

Where is your purpose?

Where is anything?



Questions.

So long unanswered.

So far from logic.

Ask them again.

Maybe you will get a response.



Sit. And. Wait.



Oh, but a whisper is all you hear,

Of some silly little phrase.

Alas, you think you have the answer,

To life’s peril games.



Yet, not is one to speak,

Of just simple little phrases.

They are but lies,

In the utmost of our hearts.





We heed what we yearn for.





And but lies they will be,

For the entire world to see.

Sound of a broken heart

Who has the answer to my desperate plea?

Can u give my broken heart remedy?

Tears down my cheeks, they’re fallin like rain,

ur mind has gone blind, it cant feel my pain.



Pickin up pieces of my shattered heart,

Tat every lie u spoke just broke apart,

And every touch was a waste of time,

u were lookin 4 a love tat wasnt mine.



Every word is sumtin untrue,

And it hurts even worse just coming from u;

For it was u who heard all my fears,

Who wiped my face of the consequential tears.



Too hard for me to have this make any sense

.ur face says that the situation’s far too tense

Separated by a girl and a lie,

I sit here thinkin while I cry.



‘We’ is not how I can think any longer,

If I can leave now, it will make me stronger.

On happy memories I desire to linger,

ur brilliant smile at our interlocked fingers.



You twisted my heart, I know you tried

But it wasn’t the same after you lied.

Being trusting is my curse,

But somehow, u manage 2 make it worse

Time Cycle

While you grow up, the world changes. Like when you sleep. You close your eyes, and everything goes into fast-forward mode.



Barely any night. Not enough day.



While you grow up, you try not to remember the past. The past was like the plague. Contagious and unwanted.



Your past is a disease. An inevitable cancer. Something you just couldn’t avoid.



But most people don’t realize that history repeats itself. It’s a constant loop.



Fall asleep. Wake up. Consciousness. Sub-consciousness.



Get together. Break up. Make up. Break up.



And most people don’t realize that you’re making history everyday to hate later.

Lies Of Clueless Deceit

Within such words of beauty lays caution of true fault,

A lonely seed planted upon the silent soul of sweet remorse,

"To trust is to be trusted, While to lie is to be fooled"

Such quote of mine speaks to my heart with painful force,

While the future becomes nothing but a glimpse of burning past,

And lies upon deception cause heartbreak beyond ones relief.



Another face of simple nothingness sketched into depths mind,

A tornado of vicious confusion raps around a frozen heart,

As our relationship became nothing but lies of clueless deceit,

While tidal waves crashed over hurt body drowning my soul,

And tears of ones bright future evaporate into thin air,

Torturing my mind of insanity, beyond being ever whole.



Hollow throughout bones as my visions of your become dust,

The life you've come to choose is not love but perfect lust,

Decision become careless as your life will turn to mist,

The lies you began to tell will now haunt you in your dreams,

One thing to remember in life is its nothing as it seems,

Karma planted beautiful, upon the lips of a blue eyed devil.